Everybody Paint Your Dinosaur

I thought it would be a mess.   I was a skeptic.  
But in the end, it turned out to be an amazingly fun adventure for Kira and I.  



Do you ever have those days when you don't feel like you do anything right?  It's been one of those days for me.  I don't know why, maybe it's tiredness, hormones, who knows, but I have been so cranky lately.  I nearly lost my temper with Kira again this morning.  That is so unusual for me, how has it happened twice in one week?  It makes me feel like such a bad mom.  I believe in God, believe He doesn't make mistakes and, therefore, my kids have exactly the mama they should have.  I would never not want to be their mama, I don't think anyone could do a better job overall than me, but some days I think they might be better off with someone else just for a little while, just for that day.  The worse part is that she just wanted my attention.  I was trying to talk on the phone to the guy who will hopefully be fixing our carpet downstairs tomorrow.  I could barely understand him as it was and, as we were talking money, it was important that I heard him right.  But Kira kept pulling on me and asking for colors and wanting me to color with her.  And I got so irritated with her.  When she just wanted me, she just wanted some love, some play.  She was being a little girl, essentially doing nothing wrong.  Now, I know, even as mamas, sometimes we need a minute and we should be given the liberty to take it, but the way I handled the situation was so wrong.  Yuck.  I wish I could go back and do better.
I still have no idea how we are going to pay to have the carpet fixed, all I know is that I can't sleep upstairs in that crappy bed anymore.  Maybe that is my problem.  I don't sleep well in that room, it just feels wrong.  And I work in there, so that is what I am always thinking and dreaming about.  As awful as it sounds, I sleep better with a little distance between my kids and myself.  Isn't that horrible?  I just feel weird being so close to them.  Away from them, I can allow myself to shut down just a bit more, just enough to get a really good rest in.
The sad part about today was that I have been in such a crappy mood that I almost missed so many amazing things.  Like Kira and her friend reading to each other at playgroup.  Or Kira's pseudo-boyfriend telling her how pretty she looked today.  By the way, kids are amazing, and so utterly entertaining.  Tonight, after bath, Kira took us into Ariana's room.  She laid Steve and I down on the floor, put a blanket over our heads, and said 'night-night'.  When I started laughing, she pulled the covers back and said "shhhh.  shhhhh." until I stopped and feigned sleep.  Then, after we 'woke up' she pulled her sister into the rocking chair and rocked her.  When Aria had had enough, she pulled me into her lap and rocked me.  She even sang something somewhat resembling (in a very toddler babble way) Rock a Bye Baby, a song I often sing or hum to her.
And now I wonder, how often do I get so caught up in stupid little things and miss the wonderful moments that are happening all the time?  Wouldn't that be horrible to look back and only remember those hard times?  Yes, we have some stress in our lives.  We still haven't gotten paid from the Navy.  Last month we only got half pay, this month we got nothing.  We were dumb and sang all summer instead of preparing like we should have, and now we are broke.  Like seriously broke.  We bought Ramen noodles this week broke.  At the same time, I feel like this is a great opportunity to really sit down and re-evaluate, to see things in a new way.  This is my chance, instead of taking my children here and there, running all around with them, it is nice to able to sit back and chill with them.  Our bills will work out, they always do.  Eventually we will get a sweet backpay check and all will be right and well in the world, but until then there are so many precious moments.  I need to shape up or I might just miss them.
At the end of the day, I can't help but sit back on the vast joy compacted into this one, little mama life.