Friday's Sweet Treats life lesson

So, I decided I wanted to do a weekly blog entry about a yummy treat you can make at home for your kids.  Each week I would make one and showcase my Martha Stewart Perfect creation.  Unfortunately, this week I was reminded of a very important point: I am not a stellar chef.  :(  I fancy myself this wonderful domestic goddess, but it is all hype.  I am a pretty awful cook, my house seems to be a constant disaster.  It would be generous to say I am a beginning seamstress.  I want to be organized, but never seem to stay that way for long.  Ah life.  The Mama life that is.
I guess when I was young, like most girls my age, we thought by 30 everything would be all figured out.  I don't really know what I expected.  I am reminded everyday that I am not who I expected to be.  Well, I kind of am, just a most frazzled, less glamourous version of her I guess.  Maybe that isn't a bad thing.  Thing is, I have all the things I wanted.  I have a (mostly, sometimes, depends on when you ask me) wonderful husband.  Despite all of his faults, I know he loves me.  I know he loves our children as fiercely as I do.  And to me, that is enough.  I don't need Prince Charming, I just need a good man, and I got one.  I have a ridiculous house.  It may not be the nicest house you've seen, but it is rather large.  And perfectly suited for our ever-growing family.  (No worries, Dad, I am not pregnant again.  Yet.)  I have 2 car seats in the back of my car that belong to 2 beautiful little girls.  OK, I don't have a career yet, but I am on my way.  I have total faith in myself that I will get there.  I think I have a pretty decent relationship with God.  It, too, could use a little work, but who's couldn't?  Basically I have everything I wanted.          
So, why do I feel so confused.  Still somewhat lost.  I have been thinking so much about what I really want to do with my life, where I want to be in another 10 years, and to be honest, I have no idea.  Of course I know the big things: I want a healthy happy family (preferably with 2 more babies somewhere in the mix), I want to be a nurse, a mommy.  I don't know.  Lately I have felt sort of bogged down with everything I guess.  How do I get where I am going if I don't know the way?  The destination?  I don't know...  Just needed to ramble I guess.  Somedays I feel like I want to be a different person.  I still want everything I have in my life, I just want to be a better version of myself.  One that doesn't break everything.  One that doesn't spill Kool-Aid all over my one year old carpet.  (That doesn't come out by the way)  One that can put a nice dinner on the table, not burnt, not out of a can, hell, while we're at it one that was cheap and not filled with hormones and antibiotics.  I want to be the girl that knows the answers.  But I don't.
I am just me.  I do burn everything I put in the oven.  It takes me 3 hours to sew a straight line.  I leave the dishes in the sink until I absolutely have to use them.  I am creative, but I have a hard time turning my ideas into reality.  Are these horrible characteristics?  No.  I am not a pervert or a serial killer.  I just can't seem to get this supermom image out of my head.  I always wanted to give my kids a perfect mother.  June Cleaver basically.  Now that I have kids, I am realizing that not only is that not possible, it is not necessary.  My kids know I love them, they know I would do anything for them, to make them smile, to make them laugh, even if only for a second.  So what if I buy frosting out of a can, pre-made pie crust.  So what if our craft isn't totally mind-blowing, it's just some stickers I bought for $1.  So what if my house isn't perfectly clean and decorated, if I feel like I am losing my mind and running in circles.  I managed al the big stuff, now to learn how not to sweat the small stuff.

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