today does not count

as I was not the best mama I could be.  Ariana is not sleeping.   I think she may be teething, but I kept thinking that with Kira and her first tooth didn't actually appear until she was like 9 months old.  Regardless, she has been cranky, therefore, Steve and I have been cranky.  This morning I just felt like my patience had been taken hostage somewhere far away.  The kidnappers are demanding sleep and an hour of quiet.  Steve worked all day, leaving me home alone with 2 heathens and no car.  I don't think we have managed to buy real groceries (you know, the really important things like milk, bread, cereal, juice) in 2 weeks now, so we are totally on empty.  We had nothing to drink so I made Koolaid.  Which I left too close to the edge of the cabinet and Kira promptly pulled down, much to her and my dismay.  So I made another batch, only to spill my large glass all over the carpet.  That doesn't come out by the way.  The KoolAid has since been thrown out as it is obviously not doing anything good for me.  I know my day is not going right when I very seriously considered just leaving the bright red liquid all over everything and going to watch tv.  I had to actually talk myself into cleaning it.  As a parent, I really hate days like this.  I got a letter from St. Jude's Hospital today.  I hate those things, I cry before I even open them.  Can't they just send me an envelope?  I will happily send them a deposit for my karma "please God don't ever let me need to cash this in" account.  All I could think was how that parent would kill for the day I was having.  Some Mama would love to worry about the stains on the carpet, would love to yell at their kid for getting into everything.  I love my kids, I appreciate them in my life so much.  I know it happens to every parent, but I can still wish it didn't happen to me.  And now I have to go crawl in my bed.   Ariana will be up in an hour or so.  I'll get those few minutes to cuddle her up, kiss her tiny head, tell her I love her...  And not think about the fact that it is 1am and I desperately need the sleep.